508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
