You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
