Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
