His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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