i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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