she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
