My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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