Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
