The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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