I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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