Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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