Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
