I just pynch a tree in the face
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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