yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
