you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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