If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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