I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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