this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
