Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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