apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
