i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
