she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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