Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
