he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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