I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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