yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
