His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
