oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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