Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
