My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
