You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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