Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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