Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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