well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
