fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What drink are we having for lunch?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
