Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
