between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
