Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
