I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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