I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We left an ass print on the piano.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
