Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
