So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
