My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
