You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
