In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this boner is exhausting
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
