His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
