just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
