I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
