i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
