I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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