Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
