Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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